FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE ON APRIL 1, 2024:
Fish Welfare Initiative Pivots to Digital Fishes, Citing AI Dominance and Non-Trivial Existential Risk Possibilities
In a bold move that has both confused and amused stakeholders, Fish Welfare Initiative (FWI) announced its plans to pivot entirely to improving the welfare of digital fishes. The organization, previously known for its hands-on approach to improving fish welfare on the farm, is taking a deep dive into the virtual oceans of simulated fish suffering.
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The reasoning for this pivot involves FWI’s latest complex cost-effectiveness and BOTEC analysis, involving several whiteboards and at least one borrowed quantum computer. "After an extensive review of our strategies and a lot of soul-searching, we've roughly estimated there's a 0.0000000001% chance that focusing on digital fishes could be impactful," stated the FWI spokesperson. "Given the estimated 17.5 duodecillion digital fishes across multitudes of simulated environments, we’re estimating an astounding cost-effectiveness of influencing upwards of 83 quadrillion fish lives per dollar, and these are all conservative estimates!”
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The strategic realignment has also added a new dimension to FWI's bitter rivalry with the Shrimp Welfare Project. "With our cost-effectiveness now dramatically improved, we’re definitely in the lead," chuckled one senior staffer FWI, referring to the long-standing camaraderie-turned-competitiveness with their crustacean-focused counterparts. “We’re not just talking small fry anymore. We expect this will net us a win in the next effectiveness rankings. May the best welfare initiative win, and here’s hoping it’s us—for the fishes, of course, both real and rendered.”
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Staff at FWI have expressed relief over the shift in focus. "I was beginning to think we weren't pivoting enough," confessed one junior analyst, "but this strategic shift has assuaged my concerns. It's reassuring to see FWI take the plight of digital fishes seriously. . . even if they're composed of pixels."
Critics argue that FWI's shift seems suspiciously convenient, given the current global spotlight on artificial intelligence. "Let's be real," says one disillusioned supporter, "It's all about AI now. Last week I saw a fish playing Pong. It's only a matter of time before they start demanding their own Silicon Valley startup."
The change has already resulted in a sea of benefits to the organization. "Since our pivot to a digital focus, the donations have just been pouring in," beamed FWI's Chief Development Officer. "We've received so much funding over the last few days that we’ve quadrupled all staff salaries, and we're considering purchasing the recently-vacated Wytham Abbey Manor House as our new head office."
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The transition, while financially fruitful, has been shrouded in mystery, with the finer details of the plan withheld from the public. FWI staffers emphasize the sensitivity of the subject, hinting at info-hazards with non-trivial possibilities leading to either x-, y-, or z-risks. “It’s a slippery slope,” an FWI spokesperson cautioned. “Releasing our strategies could have a ripple effect, leading to unintended consequences in the virtual biosphere. And don’t even get me started on its implications for multi-dimensional acausal aquatic trades.”
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As FWI dives headfirst into the pixelated unknown, the digital fish community awaits with bated breath, hoping for a future where virtual fishes can swim without fear of the delete key.
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Imagine a world with healthier ecosystems, more resilient businesses, and better fish welfare.
Here's how we get there.
Let's start with the numbers:
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An estimated 73-180 billion fish are farmed each year.
That makes fish the most farmed group of vertebrates in the world.
Aquaculture is the fastest growing food sector in the world.
As aquaculture grows, more people become reliant on fisheries for food, more jobs are dependent on aquaculture, and more fish are farmed.
As aquaculture grows, fish welfare must grow, too.
Unfortunately, conditions are often extremely poor for fish in aquaculture.
The majority of farmed fish are subject to overcrowded and restrictive conditions, which, when unchecked, lead to severe stress, worse water quality, and more fish dying.
Fish welfare is the future.
Welfare interventions are a necessary step towards a more sustainable, humane, and resilient future for all sentient beings.
Learn more about why fish welfare is important for our future.
We're working to improve the welfare of billions of fish through collaborative welfare interventions.
Who We Are
Fish Welfare Initiative (FWI) is a startup organization whose mission is to improve the welfare of fish as much as possible. We focus specifically on farmed fish, i.e., fish raised in aquaculture.
What We Do
We collaborate with corporations, governments, and producers to improve fish welfare standards and practices.
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Our broad approach is simple: we research the most promising ways of improving fish welfare, and then we enable stakeholders to do so.
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How We Do It
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We believe in having the greatest impact we can. Following our initial research, our team now partners with NGOs to help farmers introduce higher welfare farming methods in the second-highest fish producing country in the world: India.
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Regarding the press release: Yes, this is in fact a joke. Happy April 1st!